Americans Try And Pull Off The Scene From Blow But Instead Of Booger Sugar They Tried To Smuggle 375 Pounds Of Fruit Roll-Ups Into Israel
With the price of the candy skyrocketing in Israel because of a viral video, an American couple was caught last week trying to smuggle 375 pounds of Fruit Roll-Ups stuffed in suitcases at Ben Gurion Airport near Tel Aviv.
The unidentified couple was stopped for going over the 11-pound food limit.
A video posted by Israeli news outlet Mako showed a customs official rifling through the bags as someone off-camera claims he brought the treats for his family.
A single roll-up pack costs about 50 cents at an American dollar store — but can go for up to $6 in Israel after a TikTok video showed fans how to freeze and wrap it around ice cream as a makeshift crunchy cone.
Passive income is all the rage these days. But what if I could get you some active income in an exploding market of goods that is red hot right now? Interested? Good, then I need your help smuggling these sugary snacks into a nuclear power in the middle east.
Because of some TikTok video, Israel is going ape shit over those delicious little sticky sheets of fruit flavored paper. Fruit Roll-Ups were worth their weight in gold in every lunch room in America and finally our friends over in Jerusalem are finding out what a religious experience for the taste buds those tasty little bastards can bring.
Now I'm no economics major, but I do know that when demand far exceeds supply there is money to be made. And I plan on getting in on this action. After all, Baron Rothschild famously said, "The time to buy is when there's blood-colored fruit snack in the streets."
But this is a scheme that will require some measured planning. Unlike these idiots that just tried stuffing 375 pounds of of Fruit Roll-Ups into a suitcase and walking through the airport like they were George Jung in the 70s. What they forgot is that this is the year 2023 and we no longer have hot blonde flight attendants that waltz right past security while the agents whistle at them and call them "sugar tits."
The only sugar tits that exist these days are those loose leaf fruity delights and everyone in Israel is horny to suck on them. We're in a new, progressive world and if you want to smuggle tiny diabetes bombs into a heavily protected country you have to be more creative.
And as it turns out there are plenty of people trying to get in on this new-age gold rush.
A single roll-up pack costs about 50 cents at an American dollar store — but can go for up to $6 in Israel after a TikTok video showed fans how to freeze and wrap it around ice cream as a makeshift crunchy cone.
Last week alone, Israeli customs officials confiscated at least 661 pounds of the candy, according to the nation’s tax authority.
That right there is a 1200% profit margin my friends. With numbers like that we could be the next Gary Vee. Swimming in money from a fruit-adjacent product and swearing at everyone because they're too lazy to sell their liver on the black market in the name of hustle culture.
A quick google search shows that Israel's main imports are Diamonds ($6.73B), Cars ($5.1B), Broadcasting Equipment ($2.54B), Integrated Circuits ($2.08B), and Refined Petroleum ($1.88B). So my pitch is that we send over an army of Podcasters to Israel, each with their own broadcasting equipment. We have enough on the Barstool roster alone to flood that country like it's crack into Harlem in the 80's.
Next thing you know there will be fruity fiends on every corner offering to suck dick for just one more hit of that tasty treat.
The societal and dental decay is a small price to pay for a fortune far beyond our wildest dreams. Show me a billionaire that has no blood stains on their hands and I'll show you a liar. Time for us to get our hands red too, with wild cherry flavoring.